Sarah Susanka Talks About Her Not So Big Life

Yesterday, I had the privilege of sharing a delightful hour-long phone conversation with Sarah Susanka, author of The Not So Big House series and her latest, The Not So Big Life. 

I talked to her about her own way of keeping her life not so big, what she does (and doesn’t do) each morning at 11 am, her favorite activity to engage in at 30,000 feet, and how her book can inspire individuals to support each other through the process of remodeling their lives.

Here are some highlights:

Maya:  Sarah, you mention in this book that even though you wrote the Not So Big House books before this one, you really crafted the concept of the Not So Big Life idea first.

Sarah:  Yes, that’s true.  In fact, I couldn’t have written the NSB House books without first recognizing what I needed in my life which was the time to pursue my writing.  I was working as a managing partner of an architecture firm with 45 employees.  I had a lot going on, I was very busy, and one day it became obvious to me that no amount of financial success would fill the void I felt in terms of not having the time to pursue what was most meaningful, what was calling me.  And so, I decided to carve out time for “a meeting” with myself every Tuesday and Thursday morning so that I could write.  It seemed crazy at the time–how could I possibly spend several hours twice a week on writing when I had so much work to do?  How would the partners and employees react?  But once I made the decision to do that, everything shifted to support what I had stated I wanted.  

Maya:  So by creating the intention to make time for your writing, you opened up the possibilities for yourself. 

Sarah:  That’s right.  I often say that the most sustainable thing you can do for your heart and the planet is to do the thing you truly want to do.  And the signs were all around me–I felt that I needed to write and once I started paying attention to that, everything opened up. 

Maya:  Sarah, you’ve done a number of book tours and presentations for your Not So Big House books, and now you’ve just completed three months of touring for The Not So Big Life.  How was the experience different for you?

Sarah:  Well, it felt like a really amped-up version of the NSB House tour in terms of what people shared.  The stories were extraordinary.  Astonishing, really.  And what people expressed to me over and over again was a sense of gratitude and profundity about what they’d discovered about themselves and their lives.

Maya:  Was there a common theme in their comments on gratitude?

Sarah:  Really, it was about being grateful for being given permission to do things differently.   We often think we have to wait forever to get what we’re longing for, but this book encourages people to do a recasting of the way they see their lives so they can open up to their own possibilities.

Maya:  Tell us what this recasting looks like. 

Sarah:  We tend to view the world in such a linear way.  Things look impenetrable.  Our schedules, our responsibilities, the way we look at the course of our lives–it all looks impossible to change.  This becomes a huge obstacle, at least in our heads.  But we need to know that this process is not about logic.  The intellect believes that things are linear when in fact there are more directions and options and possibilities than we can imagine.  Once we see this, the world opens up and those signs that are all around us, showing us what we need to notice, become very clear and obvious.

Maya:  Sarah, can you share some tips about shifting to a Not So Big Life based on your own experience? 

Sarah:  Sure.  Well, an important one for me was recognizing that I could not do the creative work I longed to do while engaged in my work at the architecture firm.   My time was chipped up into teeny pieces.  I mean, I was asked a question about a project every three minutes!  My time was fragmented, and it was impossible to get into any kind of flow.  I also recognized that I wanted the firm to be healthy and sustainable.  Leaving the firm was the best solution because I would have the time I needed to devote to my writing and I would not be forcing the company to go in any particular direction.  And though this was very scary at the time, it also felt very true.  It allowed me to be much lighter on my feet and go where my life was leading me. And one of the things that happened was that I had the time to pay attention to the projects that had a resonance.  The ones that called out to me were the ones that showed up on my doorstep.  So, instead of having to go out and pick the right thing to do next, the work begam to appear naturally and I was free to focus on the most meaningful projects without being overwhelmed by other tasks that weren’t such a good fit.  This is something I’ve carried over to my work today.  Right now, I have only two employees–Marie, my personal assistant who helps me take care of a lot of administrative stuff, and Barbara, my business manager, who helps me choose the projects that are the best fit for me.  I try to keep things as simple and streamlined as I can, and I’m lucky to have these great women who allow me to continue to focus on what my heart longs to do. So, even though it might seem like a pretty big life from the perspective of someone looking at it from outside, it feels very healthy and sustainable to me.

Maya:  Once you started to shift the way you were working, how did your response to the work change?

Sarah:  Oh, I found I was far more effective despite the fact that I was spending less linear time working.  I worked with more flow, fewer distractions, and more focus.  But it’s important to note that there is a need for discipline in order to live this way, at least initially.  First of all, you have to be aware of your own tendency to over-extend yourself, to try to pack more into each day.  And second, you have to build in patterns of behavior that help you create the time and space for a different approach.  I found that I approached my work with greater joy and excitement once I established some clear ideas about what I really wanted to do.

Maya:  So what does your work day look like, Sarah?

Sarah:  Well, for me, work starts at 11:00 am.  That means that I can get up, eat, talk with my husband, go putter in the garden, meditate or whatever and then at 11:00, I head upstairs and start writing.  And my writing time is quite focused right now since I am working on a book about remodeling.

Maya:  Do you check email or anything first or just start writing?

Sarah:  Oh, no, that is key.  I try not to respond to any emails at all.  I might go in and check, make sure there are no emergencies and maybe respond with something quick like, “I’ll call you at 3 today.”  But once we open that inbox, that sense of urgency tends to control us!  Open the lid and we get sucked in.  So, I’ve learned to do a quick scan of email and then dive into the writing for the next three hours.

Maya:  And then what?

Sarah:  Well, I take an hour lunch break from 2:00 to 3:00, then work for another three or four hours, finishing up around 6:00 or 7:00.  It’s a later start, but it works perfectly for me. 

Maya:  That’s your work schedule when you’re home.  Tell us how you keep it together when you’re on the road.

Sarah:  Actually, I’ve found that I really enjoy writing while I’m on the plane!  Honestly,  there is something about being at 30,000 feet–there is less white noise perhaps and I feel very creative.  I often catch up on my blogging while I’m flying and I actually look forward to settling into my seat for a flight.  Whenever I’m experiencing a bit of writer’s block, my husband jokes that I should hop on a plane and fly across the country.  But I also find that I experience a noticeable wave of exhaustion when I return home from a trip.  I mean, the first 24 hours are just not conducive to creative work for me!  As long as I keep that in mind and schedule around it, things turn out fine.  For this most recent book tour, I scheduled a week of touring and then a week of rest, and I’m so glad I did.  It made it so much more enjoyable for me.  It’s much easier to be present if you’re not exhausted.

Maya:  Sarah, I know you have an interest in young people and an idea for a book you’d like to write for them.  Can you tell us more about that? 

Sarah:  Well, when I was 14, I started writing letters to my future self.  They were questions, really, things I wanted my future me to consider.  And years later, when I read those questions, I found that they allowed me a certain amount of clarity about what I saw for myself when I was younger.  It was stunning to see how much I knew about myself and what I wanted at that age.  I think there is a great deal we can learn by reconnecting to the ideas and ideals we had when we were younger, and I find it interesting to think about ways to help students see clearly what it is they truly want in life.

Maya:  For students who are just graduating from college and about to dive into the world and jump on the fast track, what advice can you offer? What can you tell a 20-something who is feeling overwhelmed by college debt and who is feeling unsure about what they want to do in life?

Sarah:  That’s difficult, but really, I know that for me, the most important advice was (and still is) to follow your heart.  Instead of getting caught up in worrying about the best job you can get in order to pay the bills, you need to focus on what fills you, what excites you and go in that direction.  Of course, the trick is to have your sensory apparatus turned on–you’ve got to pay attention to whatever is showing up.  If that’s a credit card bill, then that needs your attention.  But rather than get caught in the urgency of making choices to earn big money, the key is giving yourself the time to SEE what it is your heart is wanting to do.  Every single thing that is brought to your attention is the universe talking to you.  Listen!

Maya:  Sarah, how would you like to see people using the Not So Big Life book?  Do you have some suggestions for ways in which we can use it as a tool for remodeling our lives and perhaps connecting with others who are remodeling theirs?

Sarah:  Absolutely!  You know, there is a woman in my neighborhood named Alice, and it turned out that she had read my Not So Big House books and was really excited that I was living nearby. She was in the process of trying to understand how to live her life in a more meaningful way, as we all are, and I asked her to be an early reader of the Not So Big Life book.  In fact, Alice was basically the guinea pig for this book, and she gave me such wonderful feedback.  For example, one of the exercises in the book calls for spending twenty minutes eating a brownie.  Alice called me up and said, “Are you kidding?  I eat my entire dinner in less than twenty minutes, just like every other mother I know!” So Alice was great about giving me those reality checks.  And it turned out that Alice was a member of a book club, and the group decided to read my book as one of their selections. Well, one of the things that came up right away was the fact that this book needs more than a month. I mean, you can read it quickly, but it’s really about a process. It’s a blueprint for making changes in your life.  So, instead of getting together to analyze the plot or discuss the author, like they would with other books, the group was finding that they had an opportunity to share their own stories about their process, their discoveries, their glitches along the way.  For those who were naturally really open, it was  a great setting for sharing, but it was also powerful for those who were skeptical, hesitant about telling personal stories, or normally not interested in anything related to self-help stuff. I’d love to see more of that happening, and on my website, I provide some guidelines for groups–whether they are traditional book clubs or just small groups of friends, family or co-workers–to go through the Not So Big Life book together.  I even include some tips for a yearly ritual to celebrate what they’ve discovered about themselves. 

Maya:  That’s a great idea!  You could encourage people to start informal Not So Big Clubs across the country for those who are interested in finding greater meaning in the way they use their time and space.  It would be a powerful way to connect with others and develop a sense of community with those who are longing to feel more “at home” in their lives. 

Sarah:  Yes!  Please invite your readers to join in.  I think it fits perfectly with the great work you are doing on mindfulness, paying attention, and having fun. 

Maya:  Don’t you love it when things end perfectly? 

Sarah:  I do!

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To learn more about Sarah’s book, The Not So Big Life, visit her website at http://www.NotSoBigLife.com 

You’ll find all kinds of information and tips for getting started on your own Not So Big Life remodel.

Thanks so much, Sarah!